A "mom" forced into the role of public speaker, activist Judy Shepard urged gays to speak out, be visible and make political change.

A polite crowd of nearly 500 packed the Carroll Campus Center to also hear Shepard speak about her son, Matthew, who was murdered outside Laramie, Wyo., in 1998.

Shepard quietly recounted the day she found out her son -- "her friend, first-born and more" -- was left for dead on the prairie for "$20 and some twisted reason known only to his killers."

After telling how her family came to terms with Matthew Shepard's murder, she challenged the audience of mostly students not to hate.

"You don't have to say those words, you don't have to tell those jokes," she said. "Are you the biggest bigot on the block? Only you know that."

Shepard tackled the hot-button issues of same-sex marriage and discrimination. Equal -- not special -- rights are needed, she said.

"You can go to Vegas, you can be married by Elvis and it's OK," she said. "Why not allow same-sex couples the same rights?"

Until marriage, financial and workplace biases are made illegal, why would anyone "come out," she asked.

But don't expect a 65-year-old white man in Congress to understand the issues of a 20-something lesbian in Montana or Wyoming, she said.

The gay rights movement must stand up for itself, she said, to make their stories known.

Otherwise, people will never know what it's like to wake up every day afraid.

"You have to come out and tell your stories," she said. "Cause no one is going to understand it unless you do."

Shepard also gave advice for those coming out.

"It's a hard subject. People don't like change," she said. "(But) we're here to care for one another, not single each other out for perceived differences."

Shepard said she doesn't support limiting the First Amendment to supress hate speech, but appreciates that Canada bans the broadcasts of the Rev. Jerry Falwell.

Shepard's presentation came at a time when the college was criticized from activists on all sides.

Last week, the Montana Human Rights Network said the college was trying to "de-gay" the event by denying them an informational table in the room.

A threatened showdown with a Kansas-based hate church didn't materialize. The infamous Westboro Baptist Church faxed a bomb threat last week. Eight members of the group visited Helena in February, but none were visible Tuesday night.

On Tuesday night, a private security firm patrolled inside and outside the center.

College president Tom Trebon said he was gratified by Tuesday night's turnout, which was required attendance for freshman students.

"We have looked forward to this opportunity ... to face our own reflections in the mirror and what that image tells us," he said.

Trebon said the college has made progress toward greater tolerance of all, but said there is more work to do on campus and in the Helena community. The college hosted a major forum on how to counter the Kansas church's February activities.

Shepard's visit was sponsored by the college and the Montana Fund for Tolerance.

Reporter Jason Mohr can be reached at 447-4075 or helenair.com">jason.mohr@helenair.com.