Nathan Fleming wonders about religion, questions societal taboos, ponders the true meaning of love, and contemplates his future.

He's 25 -- it's expected. That's what most people his age do.

But unlike the majority of his peers, Fleming has been to the brink of insanity and back. And even more frightening, he knows he'll probably find himself teetering on that precipice again one day.

At the age of 20, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and he's been struggling to keep his grasp on reality ever since.

"I wish, I pray, that I could be back to the way I was before this," Fleming, a 1998 graduate of Helena High School, said recently. "But I know I won't, and I have to deal with that."

According to Fleming, his descent into the throes of mental illness was slow and subtle at first, but gathered speed at an alarming rate.

One day he was a student at Montana State University in Bozeman, majoring in computer programming.

The next thing he knew, he was walking the hallways between classes, embarrassed and angry, wondering why passersby -- people he didn't even know -- were whispering about him. Of course, they weren't, but that didn't stop Fleming from succumbing to paralyzing bouts with paranoia.

Also during that timeframe, Fleming said he began to hear voices in his head. They were quiet at first -- kind of like thoughts -- but they grew louder, deafening.

Fleming says now that he didn't really know what was happening to him, just that something wasn't right. He recalls being confused, and even feeling physically ill, as he sank deeper into a schizophrenic haze.

What was worse, he said, is that the people around him, including his family, didn't understand why he had transitioned from the guy they knew, to the suspicious, easily agitated person with whom they were becoming acquainted.

"Finally it got to the point I couldn't shake (the voices) off," Fleming said. "I was 100 percent non-functioning."

Fleming's mental break prompted his parents to seek help for their son, and a Bozeman psychiatrist diagnosed his mental illness.

While that diagnosis should have helped Fleming pull out of his downward spiral, problems continued to crop up.

He said the stress of the experience forced him to drop out of school and move in with his uncle in Washington. While there, he ran out of medication, and once again, found himself in mental health crisis.

"I just didn't care anymore," Fleming said, adding that he knew he'd reached rock bottom when he wandered out into a blizzard, curled up in a snow bank, and waited to die.

Following a five-week stay at a mental health facility, Fleming returned home to Helena. He says that's where he finally found the support he needed.

"You need to have someone that's not going to judge you and take care of you when you can't take care of yourself," Fleming said, his eyes filling with tears as he explained how his father, Joe Fleming, rose to the task. "That's my dad. My whole life, he always took being a dad as serious stuff."

Fleming sympathizes with his family members, explaining that it's hard for him to understand schizophrenia himself, so he can't imagine how anyone else could even begin to fathom his odd, and sometimes intimidating, behavior.

Joe Fleming credits the Montana National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) -- an organization that supports educational, support and advocacy programs for mentally ill people and their families -- with providing him with the tools he needed to be a stabilizing force for his son.

In fact, now that the symptoms of his son's schizophrenia are basically in check, he volunteers numerous hours a week to aiding NAMI's efforts. At the top of that list is the group's quest to see the establishment of a stabilization center for mentally ill people in crisis in the Helena community.

Fleming said he supports the work of NAMI and his father because -- even though he's resumed his education at the University of Montana-Helena and is holding his own -- he's resigned to the fact that he'll melt down again.

"And I'd rather have a place to go here instead of going to a (mental) hospital," he said.

Fleming added that he especially appreciates NAMI's attempts to educate people about mental illness. He says he has been a victim of stereotypes and fear more times than he'd care to remember.

That said, Fleming no longer tries to hide his schizophrenia, and wants to do his part to educate the community.

He admits he doesn't immediately share the information that he has a mental illness with people he is meeting for the first time, but he's comfortable talking about it once a relationship has been established.

"I just try to live as normally as I can," he said. "We're not dangerous. We're just trying to live our lives."

NAMI Walk set for Sunday

Montana residents will join together Sunday at the Capitol to raise funds and awareness of mental health-related issues at the third annual Montana National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) Walk.

NAMI-Montana is a nonprofit education, support and advocacy group for people who suffer from mental illness and their families. Proceeds from the NAMI Walk go to funding the group's efforts.

"Montana's rural nature creates a unique challenge for those whose lives are touched by mental illness," said Curt Chisholm, Montana NAMI Walk chairman. "There is a lot of misunderstanding and shame about mental illness, and we want to change that."

In 2005, the event drew hundreds of people from across Montana and brought in more than the $50,000 goal set by event coordinators. The money raised through the event has been injected back to Montana communities to support NAMI programs on the local level.

The Montana NAMI Walk is one of about 75 similar walks scheduled to take place across the nation this year, according to organizers.

"The goal of every volunteer, sponsor, walker and supporter is simply to involve as many people as possible, to raise as much money as possible, so that NAMI can help as many Americans with mental illness as possible," said National NAMI Walks Team Leader Warren Karmol.

This year, the festivities will begin at 11 a.m. on the south side of the Capitol and will include information booths, food vendors, and live music provided by the Wilbur Rehmann Quartet.

The 3-mile walk around the Capitol will begin at 1 p.m.

The NAMI Walk is free, and participants don't need to pre-register. However, anyone who wants to collect pledges, or make a donation to NAMI, should contact Chisholm at 457-7372 for more information.