The recent IR article about the teen dating forum reminds us of the many challenges facing young people as they transition from childhood to adulthood, and the complexity of balancing one's own identity while developing relationships with others. Thank you to Youth Connections for sponsoring this event and to the teenagers who were willing to share their thoughts and concerns. Hopefully, the forum and National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Week will continue to generate continued community awareness long after the first week of February.

All too often teens and adults as well, are pressured to accept abusive treatment in exchange for the perceived stability of a relationship, not only with dating, but with other relationships, as well. Unfortunately, because of the highly emotional and cyclic nature of abuse, victims often tolerate and make excuses for the behavior even as the control and their sense of helplessness escalates.

National statistics tell us, as the forum facilitator explained, one in three teenagers report knowing a peer who has been abused by a dating partner. How many parents or teenagers, however, would recognize the warning signs of abuse? Victims often talk about how their partner pushed to move the relationship forward quickly, becoming a "couple" and needing their constant attention. Jealousy, stalking (physically and electronically) and controlling decision-making may seem flattering at first, but these controlling behaviors isolate victims from their family, friends and personal interests. The person who threatens to harm themselves or others if the relationship ends, needs to be taken seriously because they are willing to consider violence to maintain control. Abuse is part of a continuum where one person manipulates and controls another, through psychological, verbal and physical means. Victims often experience dangerous and long-term consequences such as eating disorders, substance abuse, depression and post traumatic stress disorder.

Parents, talk to your teen about safe dating, whether they are currently dating or not. Tell them they deserve to be treated with respect and that jealousy and controlling behavior are not love but abuse. Remind them the people who genuinely care about them will accept them as they are, imperfections and all. Encourage them to trust their instincts when a relationship makes them feel uneasy, and let them know they can talk to you, a trusted teacher, school counselor, or contact The Friendship Center for free and confidential help.

For better or worse, the relationship patterns young people adopt in their dating experiences often extend well into adulthood. Dating issues can be as tricky for parents to navigate as they are for teens, but nonjudgmental support, fairness and respect will provide a solid path for the journey ahead. For more information about dating abuse visit www.chooserespect.org or www.seeitandstopit.org/

pages/ or contact The Friendship Center at 442-6800.

LOREEN SMITH is outreach coordinator for The Friendship Center.